As happy as I am about my new job, and leaving the stressful situation that has been my job over the last year, i'm finding myself sad. And I can't believe it.
When I started this job almost four years ago, I was escaping a job situation where the work was not what I wanted to be doing, my supervisor wouldn't teach me anything, and I felt I was failing for it. It left me insecure, and when I moved into my current job I was terrified of failing all over again.
The funny part is I really did succeed there. I excelled at my job. I knew it, and they knew it. And now i'm leaving that job to go to another small company, much like the one I left four years ago. And i'm *terrified*. Terrified that i'll fail them, and terrified that they'll fail me. And the job i'm leaving was once my dream job - and now this new job has a lot to live up to. I know I made the right choice, but I sure hope I can move forward into this new experience with my head high and my creativity refreshed.
I've been a bundle of emotions today, as I had to tell the team that reports to me my news, and a few of my friends at work. My boss still hasn't announced it. I guess the guilt is getting to me, too. But I can't help but wish things were different, because I don't WANT to leave. I believe in what that facility is doing for pediatric health. I adore (most of) my coworkers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the projects I get to work on, and the beyond fascinating topics I get to research and learn about. The surgeries I have watched, the patients whose lives have changed because of the work our facility does, and ultimately because of the message that I helped put out there about our services, that make people aware of all we do.
I need to stop saying "we" i guess. I just can't help wishing it had all turned out differently.
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2 comments:
Not that we are in the same situation at all BUT I still refer to the CTC as "we" and "us". I think that when we "own" things, they really never leave us & even though I catch myself saying it and that it sometimes feels wrong to say it, I've found that it's OK to say it. Make sense? Yes? No?
I think it is about our work being important to us & much like a breakup, if you didn't feel bad (to some degree) about it then I would think something was wrong with you. You invested yourself into this job & to feel "nothing" when it's over I think would be wrong :)
makes sense. you're absolutely right. i just don't remember feeling this way before. but i never invested so much of myself into something either. ;)
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