On Being Emotional

Last night was a rough one for me. Today's a little better, but I still just have this sinking heavy-heart feeling in my gut today.

I'm really stressed about a printing error at work. I'll know more early next week, but I may just have to take full responsibility for it and that sucks. Even though we caught it early enough that it will only cost $1400 to correct, I just hate admitting I screwed up at work.

My uncle had to put his dog to sleep this weekend - Porter. I've spent a lot of time with Porter over the years, watching him when they were out of town. Porter was the best damn dog i've ever come across. When I got that email last night I cried and I cried and I cried.

My mom had a spinal epidural this morning. It's kind of a last-ditch effort at relieving her arthritis pain. I pray that it works. It's so hard to watch her getting older and dealing with constant pain.

I think my new birth control is causing my depression. I'm on my 3rd month of it. If by next month my hormones aren't in check, i'll have to switch back or just ditch it all together. I'm really tired of pumping myself full of hormones. I have plenty to go around.

I feel the need for some sort of vision quest. Some time alone to reassess my personal goals and find myself a little. I just don't know the best way to do that.

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
On a lighter note: Chris and I went canoeing with our neighbors this weekend and totally had a blast. I already want to go again. My shoulders ached for two days afterwards, but it was worth it! 10 miles on the whitewater was so much fun once we got the hang of it all over again!

Gifts

I'm in a bit of a bind this year, thinking of a meaningful gift for Chris for our third wedding anniversary. Traditionally, the third anniversary warrants a gift of crystal or leather. Sounds boring to me.

I want to give Chris something meaningful. And this doesn't mean I have to spend a lot of money, but I really just can't figure out what to give him. I usually don't have this problem. I pride myself in thoughtful gifts - especially for my husband. I still have a little over a month to figure this out though.

Ugh.

Well the attempt to diet has not gone well. I'm such a stress eater. I've made a concerted effort every day to bring things to work that are good healthy snacks, and I've done really well all day long. But when I get home, i'm so beat from working, and just emotionally drained. I just eat whatever I can find. And I skip out on exercise. Chris rented Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy for me at the Library last night, and I watched two episodes instead of going to the gym, like i'd planned.

I just don't know how to stop this cycle. The stressful work atmosphere is not going to stop anytime soon.

In other news, we are planning a November trip to Nashville to see the Smashing Pumpkins. I can't wait! Chris, of course, is very happy because he loves the Pumpkins, but this will also require a drive that is almost entirely driving through Kentucky.

He is also strongly considering contacting his biological father. He's been in contact often through email with an 18-year old half-sister that he's only known about for a little under 2 years. It will be interesting, if nothing else.

The Violent Femmes Bring ALL Their Equipment on the Bus.

Chris and I went to see the Violent Femmes last night. This was the third time i've tried to see them, but only the first time it's panned out. They absolutely ROCKED. It was so fun. We got poured on, too, and it made them rock even harder. I heart the Violent Femmes.

Drinking with the Danish

A note to self: trying to keep up with your Danish neighbor in the area of drinking is something to avoid. Once the neck of our beers were gone, he'd order another round. But - drinking on a Tuesday night sure is fun!

A Photo from Girls' Night Out

This photo says a lot about how much fun we were having last night, even though Chrissy looks quite disgusted about the outspoken hillbilly guy who is touching us all.

On the DubDub Again

Today is the first day I get serious about staying on the Weight Watchers plan again. It's going to be a rough week to start, but if I don't stop making excuses, I will gain back the 20 pounds i've already lost. And I know i've gained a few of those back already.

Chris and I are participating in the Relay for Life on Friday and Saturday. From what I hear, there's just TONS and TONS of junkfood around. People sell it the whole night trying to raise more money for their teams. I need a game plan for myself. Veggies and lowfat ranch dip. Pretzels. Suggestions are welcome for what I can pack in a cooler for an overnight event to avoid sweets, hot dogs, and candy. I could use the encouragement!

Saturday night Chris and I are going to a cooking class for a beer tasting meal. I bought this for him for his birthday back in April. I am hoping to skip lunch that day, which is feasible since I will be more than likely sleeping for lack of sleep from Relay.

I need to get back to the gym as well. I am embarrassed to admit that I have not been there in a month. I keep justifying it because I am walking the dog every morning, and we've been doing physical work on the house almost nightly. Gardening, painting, cleaning out the junky basement. The gym time MUST resume though. I think Wednesday night will begin that.

I have decided that I need to set some goals for myself though, and reward myself for weight loss.

Here's the tentative reward list (this will begin from my weigh in on Friday):
10 pounds - pedicure
20 pounds - new outfit (including shoes!)
30 pounds - I haven't decided yet.

Wish me luck! Food journaling has resumed.