A Return to Blogging?

I've been thinking about whether to blog or not to blog for quite awhile. I felt like blogging was bringing me down in some ways before, and in other ways, a form of therapy. I have spent far too much time in my life dwelling on my own imperfections, and what I tend to blog about is how badly I want to lose weight, be healthier and (of late) have children. Granted, it was a rough summer emotionally. With the news of our fertility challenges back in June, I've found myself battling depression for several months. I tried so hard to hide it. For several weeks, I hibernated. Not alot of people know still what we've been presented with. My neighbor even asked me late in July if I was mad about something because it had been so long since she'd seen or heard from me. I sat in my house a LOT this summer, waiting and hoping to be reached out TO by my friends and loved ones and concentrating my relationship to my husband and to just a few friends who I knew wouldn't remind me of babies or pregnancy or anything of the sort. I avoided my friends who were pregnant or have just had babies because it just hurt too much. I know that it's really not fair to them, but I sure hope they understand - especially the ones who know. And I think they do. I realize I can't avoid it forever, but there were days when I just couldn't get out of bed. Yesterday, we got the final word that pregnancy the "old fashioned" way is not a possibility for us, and I'm really trying hard to not let it get me as down as it did earlier in the summer. I have alot to focus on for the upcoming weekend, so we'll see how I do when all of the excitement passes...
I've come to terms with alot of it now. I am actually seeing a therapist for the first time this week to talk about it. I'm seeing an herbalist to help me with natural mood enhancers. I resigned from my board position for my professional organization this month to dedicate a chunk of time concentrating on me. Something I really haven't done in a number of years!

That said, not all of the summer was bad. I had an amazing camping trip with old friends that really helped me forget everything going on in my life. It's amazing how you can reunite with a group of people and suddenly be transported back to worry-free days when you saw them often. Except we're all grown up and responsible now. So a weekend of drinking and live music is just a fantastic way to reminisce about those carefree days and get away from life.


Two ladies I adore and got to spend a fabulous weekend with. One of whom I have spent far too little keeping up with this summer.

Chris and I also took a fantastic vacation to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. We went to San Francisco and wine country for a week. It was one of the best vacations of my life, and I was truly able to put all of my worries aside for 11 whole days while we were there and the few days afterwards that we had together at home. I expected to love it out there - all the great foods, the big city, the cultural offerings and the character of San Francisco - but I sure didn't expect it to be as beautiful as it was! Everywhere we went!


One of my favorite photos from our vacation/5th wedding anniversary trip. We LOVED San Francisco!

For our anniversary, we had some "family" photos taken. Yes, we are those people who take photos with the dog. But we just adore this little critter, and our photographers did such a fantastic job of capturing us.


Family photo taken on our wedding anniversary, September 4, 2009.

So while we've had our ups and downs, I'm focusing really hard on myself, and I plan to share some of that here, as well as things that keep me going. I hope not to focus solely on the lack of children in our home, or the number on the scale, or the money we need to save for some of the big decisions we have ahead in terms of pursuing having a child in our lives, but about taking care of myself and making sure my husband is doing the same. I am certain we deserve it!

A Fabulous Weekend Away

I hope to post pictures soon, but Chris and I just got home from a Fabulous weekend away. Just up to Cleveland, but it was a much needed break from our normally busy lives.

We took Friday off work, and make the trip up, stopping in Old Worthington on the way to visit my friend's new wine store, and checked out a couple of other shops in that area. Then we headed up to Cleveland and checked into our room and relaxed for a bit before heading out to dinner at MY favorite Cleveland restaurant to meet old coworkers of mine. 3 hours of dinner, catching up and great conversation later, Chris and I retired to the hotel bar, for a couple of pints of Conway's Irish Ale, from our favorite brewery.

Saturday morning we headed to the West Side Market. It was fantastic. What we thought might be an hour of wandering around and grabbing breakfast, quickly turned into three hours of a fabulous brunch, and photographing and looking at all the culinary treasures. We each indulged in a sweet treat (I HEART chocolate chip cannoli!), and bought some fresh pasta, pesto and cupcakes for our friends. It was SO hard resisting so many of the other treasures there, like the fresh salsas, the vegetarian delights, the asian foods and breads. I am STILL in shock that I never managed to visit this place in the 15 months I lived in Northeast Ohio. Shame on me!

Then we headed to a hobby store, before heading out to Chardon to visit our good friends Kelly and Frank and their 4-week-old baby, Addison. Addison was just the sweetest thing and she slept on my chest for quite a long time. It was a great visit with two of our best friends and so neat to see how this baby has changed their lives and how in love they are with her! We visited with them for about 5 hours before heading back to the hotel and retiring for the night.

This morning, we got up and went for dim sum. It was fabulous. I wish we had more than just the two of us so we could have tried more than 7 of the 30+ items they offered. It's making me want to try the place near us, but i'm so afraid of being disappointed. We'll see.

Now we're home, unpacked and relaxing. And I am SOOOO not ready for tomorrow or the crazy week I KNOW I have ahead of me. Here's to a few more relaxing hours before the madness begins!

2008: A Year in Review

In response to Fat Bridesmaid's fun questionnaire:

Happy New Year!

1. Was 2008 good for you? It was a good year. There were some ups, and a lot of downs, but it doesn't do me any good to be negative about it. I learned a lot about myself. I had another year of good health and growing even closer with my husband. How is that not good, right?
   
2. What was your favorite moment of the year? I definitely have two. Sitting on a dock on Lake Ontario at dusk with Chris. It was so peaceful, and something I'll never forget. And watching the Obama win announcement with Chris, my favorite cousin and other family on election night.
   
3. What was your worst moment of the year? Probably the day I worked from 7:15am to 11:30 pm at my new job and knew I had to be up at 4:30 the next morning to drive to C-bus to catch a flight. The job is definitely getting a little better, but for awhile I was worried that I went from bad to worse.
   
4. Where were you when 2008 began? At my parents "River" home in IN, with Chris, my parents and cousins Mike and Karen. We played Tripoley and drank a LOT of wine. It was really fun.
   
5. Who were you with? See above.
   
6. Where were you when 2008 ended? With Chris across the street playing dominoes with the neighbors.
   
7. Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008? My resolution was to lose weight. I dropped 20 pounds, but gained it all back (and then some).
   
8. Do you have a new years resolution for 2009? I joined Weight Watchers again on Dec. 26th, but i'm not making it a resolution this year. I'm just focusing on making time to take care of myself - to eat right, to work out, and to find the time to do the things *I* need to do. I'm also majorly cutting my spending habits to *hopefully* pay off all of my credit card debt that's been looming, so I can focus on saving/investing for other things.
   
9. Did you fall in love in 2008? I fall in love with Chris every day. He's my best friend and I'm so thankful for him every day.
   
10. Did you make any new friends in 2008? My friend Tim at the new job. Amy at the old job (who sadly, I just met before I left). My coworker from the old job Sara and I have started hanging out almost weekly, and I'm so thankful for that.
11. What was your favorite month of 2008? October - A trip to Shaker Village, I had 10 days off, and we got to take a great trip to DC.
    
12. Why this month? Time with friends and family, and time to RELAX.
    
13. Did you travel outside of the US in 2008? Yes, to Niagara-on-the-Lake and Toronto. I LOVE Toronto
    
14. How many different places did you travel to in 2008? Louisville, Cleveland, DC, Toronoto , Niagara, New York, Omaha, Shaker Village
    
15. Did you miss anybody in the past year? I missed my friend Jen. I don't get to talk to her nearly as much as I used to, and the overnight with her family in DC was such a tease!
    
16. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008? I loved Lars and the Real Girl.
17. What was your favorite song from 2008? Oh gosh. ANYTHING off of that Vampire Weekend Album.
18. How many concerts or plays did you see in 2008? We saw Ella at Playhouse in the Park, and Wicked at the Aronoff Center. In concert I saw DMB, Tegan and Sara, Springsteen, Paul Thorn, The National, The Breeders...wow. Not nearly enough!
19. Did you have a favorite concert in 2008? The National/Breeders show. Which was also an Obama Rally. It was fantastic.
    
20. What was your favorite book in 2008? The Kite Runner. It was the only book I finished this year (it's been such a busy, busy year), but it was fantastic.
    
21. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? I really let stress overtake me and lost total control of my health. I'm also ashamed of how hard I was to live with for a few months while the stress took over in my life.
    
22. What was the biggest lie you told in 2008? Any time my old co-workers told me they didn't want me to leave because of how things were going for my team and I told them not to worry.
    
23. Did you treat somebody badly in 2008? I definitely could have been nicer to my husband sometimes. Sadly, he bears the worst of my moods sometimes.
    
24. Did somebody treat you badly in 2008? It's not worth hashing out here. ;)
    
25. What was your proudest moment of 2008? The moment I felt like I was finally taking control of my finances. It sure did feel good!
    
26. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008? It's definitely not an bad embarrassing moment - but having about 40-50 people in a room singing happy birthday to me was pretty embarrassing (but good!). I don't like that much attention, generally.
    
27. If you could go back to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be? I might have approached some of those job interviews differently. And I would have stopped myself when I was eating when I wasn't hungry, or even enjoying what I was eating.
    
28. Where did you work in 2008? At my old job, and now at my new one.
    
29. Favorite TV shows(s) of 2008? The Office and Sunday Morning. Grey's has started to get dumb.
    
30. Favorite Band(s) of 2008? The National, She & Him, Vampire Weekend
    
31. Favorite Food in 2008? A Green Papaya Roll!
    
32. Favorite Drink in 2008? Vitamin Water
    
33. Favorite Place in 2008? Home sweet home. But close seconds are: Park + Vine (my friend's store!), Coffee Emporium, and Green Papaya
    
34. Favorite person(s) to be with in 2008? My Husband, and surprisingly - my brother. We really worked on fixing our friendship in 2008, and I enjoyed every minute with him.
    
35. Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2008? My neighbor. She cracks me up.
    
36. Favorite trip in 2008? Toronto, for sure!
    
37. Favorite stores in 2008? Park + Vine, the Apple Store, Whole Foods, Dean's Mediterranean Imports
    
38. Hardest thing you had to go through in 2008? New job transition
    
39. Most exciting moment(s) in 2008? Buying a new car, a good client presentation in New York, and trying chicken feet for dim sum. ;)
    
40. Funniest moment(s) in 2008? The "question and answer game" with friends, the girly slumber party, dinner at GP with James and the girls.
    

A Week in Review

I've been relaxing for a week, taking some time away from most everything that is the norm for me. Chris and I left last Saturday for D.C. for four days and three nights, which were really fun-filled and just what I needed! We got to spend a little time with my favorite cousin, our friends the Fordes, and the Niño's. We explored some of D.C.'s neighborhoods, and went to two fabulous museums.

Since we've been back, I went to a very exciting rally for Obama to see the National and the Breeders (for free!). Had lunch with my Mom, and my bro's ex-girlfriend, who's leaving for Australia today to work for a year. I have relaxed a lot. I have taken mid-afternoon naps. I have read and watched 90210 reruns (hehe), and I have been to the gym three times since Thursday! Yay me!

Today, I plan to go back to the gym, do a little cleaning, and get ready to party with the girls tonight from my old job and go dancing. I'm really excited. Monday starts the new gig. I am nervous, but also excited. Wish me luck!

a fantastic weekend, and a week of endings

Tomorrow is my last day on the job, and i have mixed emotions about it all. It's a very very good thing for sure, but I sure am going to miss alot of the people there, and it's always a little scary making big changes.

But - onto the good stuff. I had a fantastic weekend in Shaker Village. I got to see four very amazing speakers, get to know alot of really great people, and reconnect with some old friends. Shaker Village is an amazing place. I'd like to go back very soon. It's hard to capture the beauty of the place with my cheap little camera, but this photo wasn't too bad.


High Bridge, Kentucky River

It's good to be refreshed and revived. Chris and I are off to D.C. this weekend for a last-minute vacation. We'll be visiting with some friends and enjoying the museums and the city. And when we return, i'm going to work hard to kickstart my healthy habits to start my new job in a healthier routine!

Heading to Shaker Village for the Weekend...

I'm going to one of the coolest Design Conferences ever - close to home in Shaker Village, KY. I even got talked into leading a session there (on sustainability, no less!). I'm really nervous about it, but I think it's going to be a blast. Anyway, as I prepare for this conference, and head out bright and early Friday morning, I leave you with this Shaker Hymn, which is fitting for the weekend, and the cleansing I need to do as I end one job, and move on to another.

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'Tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Till by turning, turning we come round right.

All gushy inside

:)

Tonight I met up shortly with my friend Kelly. One of my oldest and still dearest friends. She was in town from Cleveland for her sister's bachelorette party, and is 6 months pregnant. I haven't seen her since she was very newly pregnant (and what's pretty funny is that I knew then that she was pregnant and she didn't know it yet!). Chris and I crashed the party for a bit to hang out with her. It was so great to see her. And she has got to be the cutest pregnant lady i've seen since the Nino's came to visit a couple of years ago! :)

It's been a great long weekend so far. Chris and I went up to Yellow Springs yesterday. We planned on hiking, but the rain kept us from that, so had lunch and then we shopped most of the day. I bought some really beautiful amber earrings and a hand-cranked flashlight/radio combo. I also bought a Christmas gift for my mother in law. Then we went to Young's Dairy for some fabulous ice cream.

For our anniversary, Chris and I went to the CAC. Then we went out to dinner at Riverside Korean. Wow, was it amazing!

Today I have been pretty worn out. I spent the morning relaxing on my front porch, enjoying the weather. I read and took a nap this afternoon, and Chris went out on a little-mini road trip while I went to church and then to the grocery store. I came home and tried out a recipe from a Rachel Ray cookbook that my Mom gave me last year for a Mexican Chorizo stoop. It wasn't bad, though I substituted the Tomatillos for tomatoes from my Mom's garden, and used chicken Chorizo from the farmer's market to lighten the recipe up. It turned out pretty well.

Tomorrow is a double baby shower for my two cousin's wives. And I'm sure I'll have to field the "when are you having a baby?" question at least a few times tomorrow, and it's very hard for me at this point not to get upset when people ask me that question and not have the urge to say "it's really none of your business!"

But I do plan to enjoy every last minute of that one last day off of work! :)

Going South

We have returned from our trip to Nashville. A day early, mind you, because the Smashing Pumpkins show was postponed (and i'm still keeping my fingers crossed that I can unload my tickets and not lose the $100+ on them).

We had a fabulous time. Nashville wasn't what I expected, but I was pleasantly suprised at how laid back the city is, how nice the people there are, and the general quirks when discovering a new place.

We packed a lot into a two-night trip. We saw alot of the touristy stuff, but it's what we wanted to do. We visited the home of Andrew Jackson, and took a tour of the Ryman. We did a little shopping, and a lot of eating and drinking. I'm still dreaming about the Sweet Potato Pancakes I had for breakfast yesterday- WOW! We got to visit with Sarah, and hear all about her trip to South Africa, which was awesome!

We opted to leave on Monday because the show had been canceled, and left things open-ended with the thought that we might stay in Louisville on our way back, depending on how things went. We stopped for the Maker's Mark Distillery tour in Loretto, KY. My husband was in heaven! Then we made our way to have dinner with my friend Scott, and his sister, Amy at Lynn's Paradise cafe in Louisville. We then opted just to make the trip home and save our money and just relax here today.

Here are some photo highlights of our trip:

My favorite stop on Broadway: Hatch Show Print!



The Glorious Ryman Auditorium!



Dinner with one amazing lady!



I think this shot pretty accurately captures how excited Chris was about our Maker's Mark tour! This is a giant vat of bourbon behind him, about two days into the 6+ year process.

Ugh.

Well the attempt to diet has not gone well. I'm such a stress eater. I've made a concerted effort every day to bring things to work that are good healthy snacks, and I've done really well all day long. But when I get home, i'm so beat from working, and just emotionally drained. I just eat whatever I can find. And I skip out on exercise. Chris rented Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy for me at the Library last night, and I watched two episodes instead of going to the gym, like i'd planned.

I just don't know how to stop this cycle. The stressful work atmosphere is not going to stop anytime soon.

In other news, we are planning a November trip to Nashville to see the Smashing Pumpkins. I can't wait! Chris, of course, is very happy because he loves the Pumpkins, but this will also require a drive that is almost entirely driving through Kentucky.

He is also strongly considering contacting his biological father. He's been in contact often through email with an 18-year old half-sister that he's only known about for a little under 2 years. It will be interesting, if nothing else.

States I've Visited.

Kinda sad. I need to do some more traveling, eh? Only 49%



create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

One Week!

I've been so excited at the prospect of our New York City trip, which is just one week from today. I am getting quite giddy over the thought of it, too. We are still researching intinerary options. I have lost sleep over the excitement!