Confessions of an Insomniac

Work right now is absolute hell. I am NOT sleeping. I'm extremely burnt out. I'm dreading a drive to Evansville, IN on Monday - mostly because i'll be all alone, for a round trip in one day - for a quick photo shoot for work. 8 hours in the car (collectively) is not appealing.

You'd think that being an insomniac, i might go to the gym to work out, but honestly, my energy levels are so low, that i'm afraid to over exert myself.

The good news is that I think i've eaten well this week. I've made the effort to plan my meals (with the exception of ordering in a Chicken Gyro yesterday - YUM - but I ordered a greek salad with light feta instead of fries, and the chicken was all white meat). I haven't snacked at all, which is really good, so hopefully I can get back on track with my diet - because any new clothes I bought a couple months ago from losing 20 pounds are starting to get snug, and I can't stand it. I absolutely hate that i'm a stress eater.

Funny thing to me is that I hate exercising and i'm longing for an hour at the gym. Hopefully Sunday! Maybe even Monday before I hit the road!

I'll post more often once work settles down. And god, it HAS to soon!

I have a problem with saying "No"

I've been spreading myself too thin these days. Work is beyond busy, and I've been attending several photo shoots this week (and will be for the next few weeks). They sound like great fun, but they are some of the most exhausting parts of my job.

I am helping to organize a mentoring program for design students.

My house is a mess.

I'm helping plan my 10 year high-school reunion.

I'm also helping to organize and design our "Family Cookbook" that was the great idea of some of my aunts.

I'm helping Chris update his resume to look for some job opps.

And my in-laws will be in town this weekend, to boot.

Somebody shoot me. PLEASE.

Three Years

Three years ago today, I married my best friend, the love of my life. ]

Year three has been our hardest yet. We've both had very stressful times at work. We've done some big house projects. We've been through a very tough family crisis and the death of a loved one.

But we got through it with grace and I think we're stronger for it.

We've laughed and we've cried, and we've managed to let loose every chance we get.

Thank you, Chris, for another wonderful year of marriage! You are the most caring and giving person I could have ever asked for.

On Being Emotional

Last night was a rough one for me. Today's a little better, but I still just have this sinking heavy-heart feeling in my gut today.

I'm really stressed about a printing error at work. I'll know more early next week, but I may just have to take full responsibility for it and that sucks. Even though we caught it early enough that it will only cost $1400 to correct, I just hate admitting I screwed up at work.

My uncle had to put his dog to sleep this weekend - Porter. I've spent a lot of time with Porter over the years, watching him when they were out of town. Porter was the best damn dog i've ever come across. When I got that email last night I cried and I cried and I cried.

My mom had a spinal epidural this morning. It's kind of a last-ditch effort at relieving her arthritis pain. I pray that it works. It's so hard to watch her getting older and dealing with constant pain.

I think my new birth control is causing my depression. I'm on my 3rd month of it. If by next month my hormones aren't in check, i'll have to switch back or just ditch it all together. I'm really tired of pumping myself full of hormones. I have plenty to go around.

I feel the need for some sort of vision quest. Some time alone to reassess my personal goals and find myself a little. I just don't know the best way to do that.

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
On a lighter note: Chris and I went canoeing with our neighbors this weekend and totally had a blast. I already want to go again. My shoulders ached for two days afterwards, but it was worth it! 10 miles on the whitewater was so much fun once we got the hang of it all over again!

Gifts

I'm in a bit of a bind this year, thinking of a meaningful gift for Chris for our third wedding anniversary. Traditionally, the third anniversary warrants a gift of crystal or leather. Sounds boring to me.

I want to give Chris something meaningful. And this doesn't mean I have to spend a lot of money, but I really just can't figure out what to give him. I usually don't have this problem. I pride myself in thoughtful gifts - especially for my husband. I still have a little over a month to figure this out though.

Ugh.

Well the attempt to diet has not gone well. I'm such a stress eater. I've made a concerted effort every day to bring things to work that are good healthy snacks, and I've done really well all day long. But when I get home, i'm so beat from working, and just emotionally drained. I just eat whatever I can find. And I skip out on exercise. Chris rented Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy for me at the Library last night, and I watched two episodes instead of going to the gym, like i'd planned.

I just don't know how to stop this cycle. The stressful work atmosphere is not going to stop anytime soon.

In other news, we are planning a November trip to Nashville to see the Smashing Pumpkins. I can't wait! Chris, of course, is very happy because he loves the Pumpkins, but this will also require a drive that is almost entirely driving through Kentucky.

He is also strongly considering contacting his biological father. He's been in contact often through email with an 18-year old half-sister that he's only known about for a little under 2 years. It will be interesting, if nothing else.

The Violent Femmes Bring ALL Their Equipment on the Bus.

Chris and I went to see the Violent Femmes last night. This was the third time i've tried to see them, but only the first time it's panned out. They absolutely ROCKED. It was so fun. We got poured on, too, and it made them rock even harder. I heart the Violent Femmes.