Reflections on a once in a lifetime experience

Yesterday afternoon, I had the pleasure of observing my husband meet his biological father for the first time. He is so fortunate to have had quite a wonderful experience with this, and today I am still glowing with happiness for him.

To make a long story short (without family politics or anything too terribly personal), my husband's parents had him when his mother was just 17, and his father was 20. They were married shortly before he was born, and the marriage only lasted about 3 years. The last time Chris saw his father was when he was 5 years old. He's not exactly sure why. It's not something that was really mentioned much during his childhood. And his mother remarried soon after his last visit with his real Dad, and Chris grew up with a father figure that he has called "Dad" and step-siblings who he has always considered his real siblings. The few times I encountered Chris ask about his real Dad, it was obvious that it was still a sore subject with his mother 25-30 years later.

About four years ago, my husband received an email from a half-sister, then 16, who wanted to know who he was, and whose curiosity led her to reaching out to him. For four years, he has spoken to this sister (now 20), and eventually the younger sister (now 19), but not their father. They've exchanged pleasantries and photos of each other. About a month ago we went to a concert and the two sisters were there - Cincinnati is such a small place! This led to my husband getting up the nerve to call his Dad, only after the two sisters broke the news to their Dad for the first time that they'd been talking to their brother for nearly four years via email.

They've had several long phone conversations over the course of the last month. And they've kept it light. No long explanations, or anger or awkwardness, just a mutual agreement that they are both sad that they missed out on one another's lives.

Last night we were invited to come to their home and meet the family. Chris was a bit reluctant and scared, but i'm so proud of him for taking the step to go. It was such a great experience. There's so much to be said for Nature vs Nurture. He is so much like his dad in personality, in looks, and in mannerisms. See the photo below:


Left to right: Jes, Sara, Chris & Mike

I feel so fortunate to have witnessed this experience. The sheer joy on his father's face, and the pride in his voice that I saw as Chris told him about his childhood, his college and military days, his career and our life together are something I will never forget. And the light in Chris' eyes to hear about some of his Dad's interests that are so similar to his own - baseball, trains, bluegrass, and beer - still has me all mushed up inside in excitement for him.

I look forward to observing how their relationship grows (though I am certain it will be a cautious and slow process by my husband's wishes), and I realize that sharing this experience with my husband has further strengthened our marriage. I just cannot express the admiration I feel for him after enduring such an emotional and very scary situation and coming out with what seems to be a very good outcome for all!

All gushy inside

:)

Tonight I met up shortly with my friend Kelly. One of my oldest and still dearest friends. She was in town from Cleveland for her sister's bachelorette party, and is 6 months pregnant. I haven't seen her since she was very newly pregnant (and what's pretty funny is that I knew then that she was pregnant and she didn't know it yet!). Chris and I crashed the party for a bit to hang out with her. It was so great to see her. And she has got to be the cutest pregnant lady i've seen since the Nino's came to visit a couple of years ago! :)

It's been a great long weekend so far. Chris and I went up to Yellow Springs yesterday. We planned on hiking, but the rain kept us from that, so had lunch and then we shopped most of the day. I bought some really beautiful amber earrings and a hand-cranked flashlight/radio combo. I also bought a Christmas gift for my mother in law. Then we went to Young's Dairy for some fabulous ice cream.

For our anniversary, Chris and I went to the CAC. Then we went out to dinner at Riverside Korean. Wow, was it amazing!

Today I have been pretty worn out. I spent the morning relaxing on my front porch, enjoying the weather. I read and took a nap this afternoon, and Chris went out on a little-mini road trip while I went to church and then to the grocery store. I came home and tried out a recipe from a Rachel Ray cookbook that my Mom gave me last year for a Mexican Chorizo stoop. It wasn't bad, though I substituted the Tomatillos for tomatoes from my Mom's garden, and used chicken Chorizo from the farmer's market to lighten the recipe up. It turned out pretty well.

Tomorrow is a double baby shower for my two cousin's wives. And I'm sure I'll have to field the "when are you having a baby?" question at least a few times tomorrow, and it's very hard for me at this point not to get upset when people ask me that question and not have the urge to say "it's really none of your business!"

But I do plan to enjoy every last minute of that one last day off of work! :)

The Fire

On Sunday afternoon, after a very productive morning, I was lounging on my front porch talking to my Mom, when my sister in law buzzed in on the other line. I switched over to see what she needed (she doesn't call just to gab), and she told me that her Grandparents' house was on fire.

YIKES!

Chris immediately got his shoes on, we packed some sandwiches, water and lawn chairs, and he headed to his grandparents' house. I arrived later with our second car. I can't go too much into it, or my blood pressure will start rising again. But it's absolutely heartbreaking. His grandmother has lived in that house for 68 years. She raised two children in that house. His grandfather has lived there for almost 40 years since they got married when Chris' Dad was a teenager. They've invested their lives in this house.

Chris took some photos of the outside, but it's the images in my head of the inside that are haunting me. I wasn't allowed to go to the second floor without a fireman, so I stayed downstairs.

The photos are here, if you'd like to view them. They lost everything on the second and third floors, which is primarily where his grandparents' live. Chris' stepbrother, niece and nephew live on the first floor. They suffered a lot of water damage and smoke damage, but many of their things will be salvaged.

Brother Update

My brother took off for SanDiego on a total whim on Tuesday. My parents came home to a note from him - he hadn't even called work. And he hadn't shown up in two days. He hadn't locked up his house, he had windows open and expensive tools in the bed of his truck.

He's clearly very upset and beside himself. I'm so worried about him!

A little too wrapped up in myself

Apparently, with all that's been going on in my life, I haven't stopped to call my little brother.

And he and his girlfriend of nearly six years broke up a couple of weeks ago. I found out yesterday when I went to my parents' house to pick them up to make a drive to Dayton to see my new cousin. My brother had shown up there really really broken up about the situation, and that's when my Mom told me they had broken up almost two weeks ago. Boy do I feel like an asshole.

Tara moved all of her stuff out of Brian's house yesterday with the help of her parents. It's not looking good for them getting back together. I'm really hurting for my brother, and for my whole family, because she really was part of the family.

Chris and I were thinking about it last night: She was at our engagement party, at all of our wedding festivities. Helped us to plan my parents' 25th anniversary party, and both of their 50th birthday parties. She celebrated my college graduation, and my brother's trade school graduation with us. She's become part of our Christmas traditions, and my grandmother even gave her a piece of family jewelery.

The thing is, I know it's what's best for her right now. My brother and I are not very close, and in fact, we couldn't two more different people. He's a typical 25 year old male. He drinks too much, he parties too much, he's promised to quit smoking and never has, and many of his friends are inconsiderate jerks who show up unannounced and will never grow up. I wouldn't want a life like that either.

It really comes down to feeling like Brian and Tara are getting a divorce. I really do hope they get back together...only time will tell!