Struggling

As happy as I am about my new job, and leaving the stressful situation that has been my job over the last year, i'm finding myself sad. And I can't believe it.

When I started this job almost four years ago, I was escaping a job situation where the work was not what I wanted to be doing, my supervisor wouldn't teach me anything, and I felt I was failing for it. It left me insecure, and when I moved into my current job I was terrified of failing all over again.

The funny part is I really did succeed there. I excelled at my job. I knew it, and they knew it. And now i'm leaving that job to go to another small company, much like the one I left four years ago. And i'm *terrified*. Terrified that i'll fail them, and terrified that they'll fail me. And the job i'm leaving was once my dream job - and now this new job has a lot to live up to. I know I made the right choice, but I sure hope I can move forward into this new experience with my head high and my creativity refreshed.

I've been a bundle of emotions today, as I had to tell the team that reports to me my news, and a few of my friends at work. My boss still hasn't announced it. I guess the guilt is getting to me, too. But I can't help but wish things were different, because I don't WANT to leave. I believe in what that facility is doing for pediatric health. I adore (most of) my coworkers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the projects I get to work on, and the beyond fascinating topics I get to research and learn about. The surgeries I have watched, the patients whose lives have changed because of the work our facility does, and ultimately because of the message that I helped put out there about our services, that make people aware of all we do.

I need to stop saying "we" i guess. I just can't help wishing it had all turned out differently.

The Big Announcement!

I resigned from my job yesterday.

I've accepted a position at a small (but quickly growing!) design firm as Senior Designer. I'm very excited about the offer, the position, and the location (I heart working in downtown Cincinnati!). I start October 20th.

Once I got it off my chest yesterday with my boss it felt like a year's worth of stress was lifted off of my chest. I felt a little bad for him, because I know i'm leaving him in a really tough position. But I gave him 3.5 weeks of notice, and have already started working on a transition plan.

It hasn't been formally announced yet, and i'm sure that will be another obstacle to get over, but I'm just so relieved to finally have some much-needed change in my life!

On the Horizon

I have some good news on the Horizon. I will share more next week, but it's got me so excited that I could hardly sleep right now.

Such a bag of mixed emotions: i'm nervous, i'm excited, i'm sad, i'm ecstatic, i'm elated, but mostly, i'm relieved.

I'll share more soon, I promise!

A Small Victory

I had a really bad day today at work. This really is becoming the norm, but I really got frustrated with more things that are not changing. Things that I don't feel comfortable discussing here, but sometimes I wish I could vent my thoughts! Regardless, I realize that the source of my food weeknesses and my laziness stem from stress on my job. Chris told me the other night that he thinks that I require quite a bit of "down time." This was just an observation, and not a judgement, but I really think that my job takes so much out of me that it's really changed me in so many different ways. I find myself mostly wanting to stay at home these days, and not be social, and that really isn't me at all.

Regardless, tonight I decided after a particularly bad day that I wasn't going to just retire to bed in front of the television so that I could do something completely mindless. I had a really really good food day today. I had yogurt, granola and blueberries for breakfast, a trader joe's meal and grapes for lunch. An apple and popcorn for an afternoon snack, and a small turkey sandwich and peas for dinner. I did really well. I didn't stress eat. I didn't overload on snacks around the office.

I knew I didn't have the energy to go to the gym, so I decided to FINALLY try the workout dvd I bought a few months ago. I started at the level one workout for 30 minutes. It was awesome. Just what I needed. I got my heart rate going, and I was sweating quite a bit. And you know what? My stress levels are way lower for it. Yay me!

This video recommends 4-5 times of doing this a week for six weeks. I'm going to do my best to keep up with this, and still incorporate a couple of trips to the gym each week. Work does not promise to get any better anytime soon, unfortunately, so the best thing I can do is help myself get my stress levels back down when I return home from work, right?!

What does everyone else do to relieve stress instead of eat or veg out in front of the TV? I could use suggestions to mix it up!

Yes, I'm one of THOSE dog owners!

My dog graduated from his third round of dog training tonight. He really is a different dog than he was just three months ago! This round focused more on "canine good citizen training." Though he didn't pass the test (and we really only think that's because he LOVES the trainer that was constantly throwing him treats and he wouldn't do anything during the test except go and run to her - which was hilarious and frustrating at the same time!).

Anyway, the trainer plays the graduation song, and does the whole cap and gown thing, and of course, I had to capture that!

How cute is my dog?!

All gushy inside

:)

Tonight I met up shortly with my friend Kelly. One of my oldest and still dearest friends. She was in town from Cleveland for her sister's bachelorette party, and is 6 months pregnant. I haven't seen her since she was very newly pregnant (and what's pretty funny is that I knew then that she was pregnant and she didn't know it yet!). Chris and I crashed the party for a bit to hang out with her. It was so great to see her. And she has got to be the cutest pregnant lady i've seen since the Nino's came to visit a couple of years ago! :)

It's been a great long weekend so far. Chris and I went up to Yellow Springs yesterday. We planned on hiking, but the rain kept us from that, so had lunch and then we shopped most of the day. I bought some really beautiful amber earrings and a hand-cranked flashlight/radio combo. I also bought a Christmas gift for my mother in law. Then we went to Young's Dairy for some fabulous ice cream.

For our anniversary, Chris and I went to the CAC. Then we went out to dinner at Riverside Korean. Wow, was it amazing!

Today I have been pretty worn out. I spent the morning relaxing on my front porch, enjoying the weather. I read and took a nap this afternoon, and Chris went out on a little-mini road trip while I went to church and then to the grocery store. I came home and tried out a recipe from a Rachel Ray cookbook that my Mom gave me last year for a Mexican Chorizo stoop. It wasn't bad, though I substituted the Tomatillos for tomatoes from my Mom's garden, and used chicken Chorizo from the farmer's market to lighten the recipe up. It turned out pretty well.

Tomorrow is a double baby shower for my two cousin's wives. And I'm sure I'll have to field the "when are you having a baby?" question at least a few times tomorrow, and it's very hard for me at this point not to get upset when people ask me that question and not have the urge to say "it's really none of your business!"

But I do plan to enjoy every last minute of that one last day off of work! :)

Four Years

I'm not working today, yet i'm having quite a bit of trouble sleeping this morning as I unwind from all the things going on.

Chris and I took today and tomorrow off of work to celebrate our fourth anniversary, which is today.

I woke up this morning reflecting on that, of course, and marveling at the past year, which I really think may have been our hardest year yet, emotionally, on me. I have really struggled with a lot of things this year. And of course those things have affected my marriage. But I am so fortunate to be married to one of the most patient and understanding human beings I have ever met. He's just so kind and wonderful, and even when i feel i'm at my very worst, he provides me with the comfort I need, the listening I desire, and the patience to endure it all with an unwavering great attitude -- he's my biggest cheerleader.

We've had some really great times this year as well (and it's always best to end on the positive!). We shared a fantastic week-long vacation to Ontario, which is to date, one of my favorite trips we've ever taken together. It really revitalized us both in several ways. We've shared so many fun days together with family and friends, or even just movie nights at home with our dog - we both adore that family time with just the three of us!

He's my best friend, and I'm amazed that these four years have flown by so quickly! Here's to a fantastic year five!